


Kingsmeme 3: The Meme-pocalypse

by EggMuffin



Series: Kingsmeme [3]
Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: Eggsy as Galahad, Harry as Arthur, M/M, Memes, Sorry Not Sorry, Tumblr Memes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-30
Updated: 2015-08-30
Packaged: 2018-04-18 03:14:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4690127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EggMuffin/pseuds/EggMuffin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tumblr keeps coming up with new memes and Eggsy keeps using them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kingsmeme 3: The Meme-pocalypse

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you, everyone who suggested memes for this fic (I have enough for another part, höhö)!
> 
> Note on the good shit meme: AO3 wouldn't let me post it with the signs and emojis, so I had to use a text only version. Welp. 
> 
> Tumblr: eggmuffinwrites

1

Merlin and Harry had been debating the merits and drawbacks of giving Eggsy a honeypot mission for a while now. While nobody doubted in Eggsy's capability to charm the pants off of anyone, Merlin hated handling honeypots. He also hated handling Eggsy's missions. He didn't think he could survive Eggsy on a honeypot assignment.

Harry was reluctant to let his lover be touched by anyone else than him. He was keenly aware that his misplaced jealousy was completely unprofessional and had to grudgingly admit that the seemingly stupid no fraternisation rule – that had been abolished in the mid-90s – had been there for a very good reason.

But the day came when the mission called for an agent like Eggsy – young, male and charming to a fault.

There was a knock on the door of Harry's office and he didn't have time to react before the door was opened, which meant it could be only one person – Eggsy. ''You wanted to see me?''

''Yes, take a seat,'' said Harry and gestured to the chair opposite him. Eggsy had just flopped down on the offered seat when Merlin announced himself with a similarly perfunctory knock. ''Ah, yes, Merlin. Good.''

''So, is this a briefing or did you just miss me?'' Eggsy joked as Merlin opened up the necessary documents on his tablet.

''No, Eggsy – Galahad,'' Merlin began in his usual dry manner before balking a bit and hesitating. ''How do you feel about honeypots?'' he finished more quietly than he had intended.

''I'm always a slut for honeypots!'' Eggsy declared loudly in response.

Harry's eyebrows shot up. ''That's wildly inappropriate,'' he admonished.

Eggsy just winked at him. ''Don't worry, Harry, I'm always a slut for you, too.''

 

2

''Shit, we are going to be late.''

''Relax, Harry, it's gonna be fine.''

''Where the hell is he? I'm supposed to be the one who's late. He's never late. And how's he supposed to find us? It's packed! And he's not picking up his bloody phone!''

''Harry, luv, are you panicking?''

Harry looked affronted. ''No.''

''Yeah, you are. It'll be fine.''

Truth is, Eggsy didn't know if it was gonna be fine. They we're in Victoria Station, it was crowded as fuck and Merlin was supposed to meet them 8 minutes ago and their train was leaving in 23 minutes. They could've used a Kingsman helicopter, but Thomas, aka agent Ector, had made it very clear that he wanted everyone to arrive at his wedding using more conventional methods of transport.

So here they were, sure that Merlin was at the station but unable to find him or reach him by phone. Harry was panicking, no matter what he said, and Eggsy was feeling increasingly worried. _Fuck it_ , he thought, _here goes nothing_.

He circled his mouth with his hands and bellowed, ''Oh shite, I've broken my glasses again!''

Harry looked at him increduously while several people around the stopped to stare as well, but sure enough, a certain bald someone was pushing through the mass of people towards them.

''I will fucking confiscate them, you'll do a mission without the glasses, I'll never repair a pair of them again, I fucking swear to fucking God, Eggsy Unwin, I am sick _as fuck_ of repairing your fucking glasses jesus christ now is not the time, God help me, fucking agents, I swear – ''

''Found him!'' Eggsy beamed at Harry.

''Well done. You've not actually broken your glasses again, though, have you?''

''Nope. After the last time? No fucking way, I'd rather lose a limb than the glasses.''

''Fair enough.''

 

3

Harry Hart (3.37pm): Got a minute?

Eggsy Unwin (3.38pm): 4 u, always

Harry Hart (3.41pm):[ [picture]](https://fandangogroovers.files.wordpress.com/2010/02/colin-firth-a-single-man.jpg)

Harry Hart (3.41pm): I'm undecided about these glasses. Yes/no?

Eggsy Unwin (3.42pm): sign me the fuck up good shit go౦ԁ sHit thats  some good shit right there rightthere if i do saү so my self  i say so  thats what im talking about right there right there (chorus: ʳᶦᵍʰᵗ ᵗʰᵉʳᵉ) mMMMMᎷМНO0ОଠOOOOOОଠଠOoooᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒ Good shit

Harry Hart (3.44pm): I take that's a yes?

Eggsy Unwin (3.45pm): fuck yeah, harry

 

4

''I'm telling you, nothing happened!''

Eggsy raised an eyebrow.

''Nothing!''

Eggsy hummed. ''Mhmm.''

''You don't believe me?''

''The lady doth protest too much, methinks.''

''Shut it, Unwin. It's none of your business, anyway. If there was anything to talk about. Which there isn't.'' 

''I'm your best mate, Rox!'' exclaimed Eggsy, looking at Roxy increduously. ''Best mates share these things! C'mon, I told you in detail about Harry, why you gotta block a bruv out?''

''That you did. Mind you, I never asked. But I can't tell you anything, because there's _nothing to tell!_ ''

''Mm-hmm, sure there isn't. There's nothing to tell when you abandoned me for a very attractive couple who invited you over for a little _menage a trois_?''

''Yes, I did and yes, they did. Invite me, that is. But I left Dan and Helena to the bar and went home, not too long after you left.''

''Dan and Helena, are they now?''

''Honest! I went home to sleep!''

''You snapped me at 7am!''

''I woke up early,'' said Roxy defensively.

''Sounds fake... but okay...''

 

5

There was a knock on the door and all six of the recruits who were still left hurried to stand at attention. The door opened to reveal not Merlin, the scot with the menacing gaze and deep smooth voice, but a much younger man, who looked no more than 30, with the widest grin and mussed hair. He was wearing dark slacks and a white dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up and what looked like blood on the collar. Slung over his shoulder was a large rucksack not unlike the ones recruits had to haul their gear along in during obstacle course training.

'''Ello, pups. Fall out, relax, sit back,'' the man beamed, closing the door behind him. ''I'm agent Galahad, but please, call me Eggsy.''

The recruits went back to their beds hesistantly. Everyone had heard of Galahad, of course. The man who speared the man behind V-day in the back with the prosthetic leg of the man's assistant. The man who went freerunning over Vauxhall Cross. The man who was currently unloading beer and snacks from his rucksack.

''Listen here, you lot. Merlin'll have me head for this, but you deserve some rewards. From what I hear, you nailed your get-back-to-base assignment, so that needs celebrating,'' Galahad – Eggsy – explained as he passed out the beers. ''I fuckin' hated that one. Dropped me off to goddamn Germany. Didn't speak a word of Deutsch back then. And it was freezing, might as well have been bloody Siberia. Weren't no one waiting for us with beers when we got back to base. And that, I feel, is a mistake. How can you work for an organization that doesn't treat you well, am I right?''

One of the recruits piped up. ''But isn't this – I mean, we have to take this seriously? The place is the reward, isn't it?''

''Yes, but that don't mean you can't have fun in the process. You gotta relax, you lot. Kingsman ain't that bad. Yeah, sure, Merlin'll yell at me and probably give me nothin' but boring recon missions for three months. But other than that, nothing will come out of it but a good time for us all and some reassurance for you,'' Eggsy said and made himself at home in an armchair in the corner. ''Now if you have any questions, shoot.''

''Is that blood on your collar?''

''Yeah. Just got back from an assignment. Some people just have to bleed over good shirt, y'know?''

''Did you really parkour over the SIS building?''

''Classified. Which means, yes, I did.''

''Is it really deadly? Being an agent?''

''Yes. Now, a Kingsman only takes a life to save another, but other people? The ones we're after? The _bad guys_? They don't have that rule.''

The recruits exchanged worried glances.

''It ain't all action, either. The paperwork is a fuckin' killer, too. Just this year, I lost my husband Harry to it.''

The speakers in the corners of the room crackled to life. ''Quit telling everyone I'm dead!'' came a voice over the sound system.

''Sometimes I can still hear his voice...'' Eggsy said wistfully.

There was a pointed silence from the speakers.

 

+1

Harry woke to the sound of music playing and the smell of fried eggs coming from the kitchen. He made his way downstairs to find Eggsy dancing around in nothing but boxers and a t-shirt, placing fried eggs onto pieces of toast.

Harry cleared his throat just as Eggsy grabbed a sandwich and watched as Eggsy startled and the piece of fried egg slid off the toast. Eggsy brought his knee up to catch it and the egg fell neatly onto his bare thigh.

Eggsy looked at the piece of egg on his leg and then lifted his gaze to look Harry straight in the eye.

''Leg so hot. Hot, hot leg. Leg so hot it fry an egg.''

Harry had to agree.

(''Egg-ree, Harry. You egg-ree that my leg's hot enough to fry an egg.''

''Shut up, Eggsy.

'' _Egg_ -sy!'')


End file.
